I just keep coming back to one single fact. My husband’s daughter, the 43 y/o, lives about 7 hours away and last August, she had a lot going on. She has 6 kids – 5 are adopted and have various degrees of special needs.  Just this past year, I drew a line with her after she grabbed my face and tried to laugh it off. I was absolutely amazed at the results! She has not treated me the same since and our relationship is SO much better. I feel like I really did her a favor, and myself, of course too, at the same time.  Anyway, out of the cLeAr bLuE SkY… I get a phone call from another gal, husband’s niece, and she tells me that she “hates to tell me but thinks you should know” that my daughter-in-law has sent an email to 3 female family ladies (all in husband’s family, as I’m only child) asking them to join her in “reaching for their inner-bitch” to remove me from the family. I was CRUSHED! I reached out (in private messages) to 2 family ladies that I was pretty close to, and both of them told me FLAT out… “not  getting involved”. I never, ever dreamed that my husband would say the same thing, basically. The very moment I told him, I knew by the look on his face, that there was no way he could love me and have this response. I have lost 40 pounds, and I feel so alone. We are teetering on the edge and I still feel abandoned. I have searched websites, I have a psychiatrist, and honestly, speaking about “doing the right thing…” I just don’t want to give up. … ann

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Coach’s Thoughts:

Dearest, Dearest, Ann,

Here’s what I most want for you right now – I want you to give up! Yep, I said it. Give up!!  Now, you (and everyone else reading this) are probably wondering why I would ever say that. The reason – you are fighting an imaginary battle you have built up in your mind. There is something inside of you that feels very attacked and threatened which is causing you to truly believe there is a battle going on when there really isn’t.

Let me say this loud and clear – You win! You win not because you fought valiantly in battle, but merely because of your position in your kingdom. You are the queen. You have a husband who loves and adores you, calls the priest himself to renew his vows openly to you, honors your every wish.  Own every ounce of that, feel the power in that. This honor and position is freely given to you by your king who wants you by his side to create and protect that bliss you so beautifully described.

But instead of being the queen, you have allowed a perceived enemy – who is your beloved’s daughter – to enter your kingdom, your sacred marriage. You are giving her so much power in your relationship, and you are taking on the role of the pauper who is begging the king to choose between his daughter and his queen.  A choice that no man, especially not someone you love unconditionally, should ever be forced to make.  He has made his choice – you, his adored wife AND his daughter, his flesh and blood.

So, what is a queen to do? First, as I said, give up the battle. The battle is only in your mind. Which is also the reason your husband and other family are “not getting involved”. They aren’t abandoning you; they love you SO much that there is no need to fight for your position in the family because it is already yours! No matter how much “inner bitch” she tries to embrace, she has absolutely no power except what you give away. Your family already knows this!

Second, trust, respect, and honor your husband, your king. Trust that HE is doing the right thing. Let go of trying to get him to “say this to her”, “get her to do this”, etc. Respect him in his God-given position as your husband and her father. And honor him by reclaiming your position as his wife, putting the focus back on him and your marriage, and begin to once again create the bliss that YOU and you alone have the power to create : )

Third, reframe the picture you have of your husband’s child. She is not the enemy who is trying to overthrow you. She is a child who, for whatever reason, is throwing a big ol’ temper tantrum.  Her life isn’t quite the way she thought it would be, and she longs for what you already have – a blissful relationship with a man who loves and adores her. She is jealous of all that is yours. Reach deep and love her in spite of her words and deeds.

The battle is not with anyone else. The real battle is the one that goes on within our own minds. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, love all the genuine wonderfulness that is you, and celebrate the love that surrounds you.  I wish I could be there on December 28^th – You will be the queen at the grandest ball of all.

Your Humble Servant,

Gloria

A donkey is placed right in the middle of two stacks of hay. He’s hungry, very hungry, but he doesn’t know which one to choose, so he stays where he is, and dies.

Ridiculous, right?? If it were truly a life or death decision, surely, he would pick one and eat?!

How many times have you been stuck in “paralysis by analysis”? Waiting for the choice to become crystal clear BEFORE you make a decision . . .  That decision could be in staying in a dying marriage or doing something about it. That decision could be making a career change because you absolutely hate your job, but you are waiting for the “right one” to come along. That decision could be waiting to make a purchase (like my video course!) because you aren’t really sure it will give you the benefit you are looking for.

If you can’t determine which choice is the best, and you can put the decision off without experience too much pain (staying comfortable has got to be the BEST choice, right??), you will put that decision off every single time. You will pick the safest choice – which is making NO DECISION AT ALL!

“The most important thing to remember is this: To be ready at any moment to give up what you are for what you might become.” (W. E. B. DuBois)

What decision have you been putting off? What will it take for you to step into the uncomfortable and make a choice that will truly give you life?

Much Love,

G

Just yesterday, I was shopping with my oldest daughter in Kroger. On the endcap, there were boxes of Frankenberry, Booberry, and Count Chocula. I was all excited about it – remembering how I grew up on that cereal and how my brother’s favorite was Booberry while mine was Frankenberry. I couldn’t resist, and I put a box of the bright pink cereal in my basket.

As I oohed and aaahed, a gentleman who was maybe 27 years old with a wedding ring on his left hand, walked by and said, “Really? You are that excited about a cereal??” At first I thought he was kidding – after all, this box held SO many wonderful childhood memories for me. But then my daughter stopped me and said, “Mom, he’s making fun of you. . .”

Where has all the fun gone? When did life get so hard and we became so critical that we stopped celebrating all the little things that the world has to offer? Even to the point of saying those critical remarks out loud?!

Right now, wherever you are, I want you to stop and think about just one thing that will make you smile. Just one. One memory, one pink box of cereal, one favorite ghost story or Halloween costume, one favorite food or drink, or one favorite pet or friend. Tap into joy . . . remember what it feels like to laugh, and be silly, and actually play.

If we are honest, we crave having fun. The husband just wanted to play again on his vacation. The guy in the grocery story was simply jealous that I could find joy in nothing but a box of cereal. I wonder how long it will take this young man to look at his wife and say, “Really? Where did all the fun go?”

Fun – love it, celebrate it, seek it, and BE IT!! Fun surrounds you, welcomes you, and wants to be a huge part of your life. Claim that fun as your own, even if the world around you makes critical remarks to you because of it . . .

Big Smiles,

G

Women, just like YOU, are searching for answers to the question: What should I do?? If I do this, this is what I see in my future. If I do something else, then this is what I see in my future . . . and neither seems like a very good scenario. More unanswered question, chaos, fear, raw emotions, and there is no crystal ball to know anything for sure.

In my first video course, I want to empower you to make that decision for yourself. I’m giving you everything I’ve got:

• How to answer that question for yourself!
• How to have a fresh new attitude so you are ready to face the challenges ahead!
• How to surround yourself with those that love and support you – even if your friends are tired of hearing your story!
• How to create your life that you are passionate about and absolutely adore!
• How to celebrate all that you are and all that is just waiting for you to claim as your own!!

All this and so much more is in this course.

Plus, if you aren’t completely satisfied with the information and resources available to you – let me know, and I’ll give you your money back. No questions asked – just send me an email : )

It’s time to get your questions answered and move forward in your life. If you really want to change your relationship, you’ve got to change how you think. You have nothing to lose, and this really could be just what you are looking for!!

Much Love,

Gloria

The other end is a little different. It’s much deeper, and you cannot touch the ground. It feels like this abyss of water, and when you feel tired or unsure the edge seems extremely far away. You watch others as they tread water to stay afloat, swim underwater easily, and even dive in – which is something you cannot do in the shallow end.

There’s a part of you that wants to jump in, to take the risk, to play with the others who aren’t bound by boundaries under their feet, but you are afraid. You are afraid of all of the what if’s . . . What if I’m not strong enough? What if I fail? What if I drown and no one sees me?

Relationships are very much like this. In the beginning, we stay in the shallow end. It’s safe, and we can frolick and play and squeal with delight as we hold onto each other with our feet solidly on the ground. As time passes, we may find that we are getting into deeper and deeper water. Things aren’t as secure. The edge seems very far away, and you may even feel like you are drowning hoping that someone sees you.

I see you . . . and no, you are not drowning!

The truth is that the very same skills and strength and abilities that you used to swim from one side of the pool to the other in the shallow end are still very much available to you in the deep end. It takes the same amount of energy in both places. It only feels different because the safety net for your feet is gone. But you can still hold your breath, you can still move your arms and legs, and you can still open your eyes.

And anyone who has spent time in the deep end will tell you that’s where the fun is! Holding your breath, diving down deep, jumping in and screaming “cannonball!”, and not being confined to any set boundaries is so very freeing. Transitioning to the deep end, you will soon discover that the shallow end is really boring, confining, and really the place where the little kids play.

You can stick your toe into the deep end or you can hold your nose and jump in. Jumping is does challenge your set of beliefs in yourself – can I do it? Jumping in is a risk – will I drown? Jumping in is scary – what if I start to sink?

At some point in any relationship, you have to be willing to do all of these things – challenge your beliefs, take a risk, and be willing to face your fears. Why would you even consider this? Because that is where the good stuff is!!

I’m in the deep end. I’m waiting with open arms to teach you everything you need to know to have more fun, take more risks, grow in your beliefs of yourself, and let go of the boundaries to explore all that is possible. Jump in!

I get so tired of sucking. I sit in the closet, completely unnoticed, until someone needs something sucked up. Then someone finally lets me out of the dark, plugs me in to the blessed outlet that gives me all the energy that I need, and I’m turned on one more time to do what? Suck!

I will confess that I do sit in self-pity on occasion, and wonder why the rest of the world doesn’t have to suck. Why me? Why is all the responsibility of cleaning up other people’s messes always put on my shoulders? Somedays, it just feels like too much. Because hey – I need some attention, too. Sometimes my belt gets hair all wrapped around it, and I feel paralyzed and frustrated. Eventually, someone has to come along and empty my canister because I just cannot take anymore in.

And then there are other days . . . Days when I have just been emptied of all the dirt and grime, the hair is gone, and I am plugged into that delicious power source humming along. My light is shining bright looking for that next opportunity to suck up all the stuff I can find. I’m excited and energetic, and I happily suck up all that is around me filling me up with yummy goodness.

After all, I AM a vaccuum cleaner. This is what I was created to do. It is because of who I am and this remarkable power that I have to be able to suck that the world is a much more beautiful place! I have no idea what families all around the world would do without me??

It is at these times, when I remember who I am and what I was created to do, that I can put into perspective the joy and happiness that I bring to myself and others. I do need some loving TLC now and then to keep running smoothly. And most of all, I need to remember that without being plugged into my Power Source, I am completely useless – unable to do anything at all.

Come on, Gals. Sometimes life sucks – let’s be honest. BUT, we are more than able to handle whatever comes our way with some extra TLC, reliance upon a higher power, and recognizing who we are and our ability to suck up all the absolute yumminess that life has to offer and whatever it is that we truly desire. The world is a much more beautiful place because YOU are here!

You begin to wonder if you are even on the right track and doubt and fear  can overwhelm you. Sound is muffled in the denseness, and even if you cry out you don’t know if anyone else can hear you. Everything looks unfamiliar even if you’ve been on that trail a hundred times before. You wonder – Should I wait until the fog lifts or move ahead in spite of the fog? How long will this last?

There are so many times in life when we find ourselves in the fog. Sometimes we know it is coming because we see the signs (or watched the weather report), and then other times we wake up, look out the window, and can’t see across the street and that surprises us. In life, we may have noticed our unhappiness for a long time, and now it is to the point that we cannot even see happiness on the horizon any more.

When the fog sets in and we can no longer see, it is time to let our others senses kick in. Right now, just close your eyes. Shut down all the external clues that you think you see, and pay attention to the other senses and let the other body parts kick in.

What do you hear? . . . Can you hear the voice of the calming, wonderful, loving voice inside who wants you to know that you are amazing and more remarkable than you ever thought you could be?

What is your mouth up to? . . . Have you been quiet for far too long in the spirit of being a “good person” who only says things to keep the peace instead of expressing what is really going on inside?

What do you feel? . . . Do you wish you could reach out and find a hand to hold onto? How long has it been since you have been touched?

What do you smell? . . . Have you found yourself questioning and “smelling” something that just isn’t right? Have you been smelling the stench of a mediocre relationship for a long time, and you’ve done nothing but spray perfume to try to cover it all up?

The fog is unnerving and even scary at times. Our reliance on what we see is so strong that when we can no longer see we panic. But there is so much for you in the fog because it does give us an opportunity to be alone, to get in tune with our other senses, and shut out all of the other distractions that have been distracting us from what is going on inside of us.

Embrace the fog!

I always thought my purpose in life was to give him the love he never had as a child.

We always said we’d never divorce. We’d always work on our marriage because we wanted to give the kids the best life with both parents at home.

I love myself.  I love who I am.  I love the fact that I did not let this turn me bitter and that I have my life back on track.  I have a successful career and I’m attractive.

My problem is that I still love him.  I’m not in love with him in the sense that I long for him or dream about him romantically. But I feel incomplete without him.  I worry about him. I find myselfwishing we could just be a family again. I struggle coming to terms with the fact that he doesn’t love me anymore, that I’m not enough. It’s the ones that run away that he will love, not me, not the love right in front of him.

Do you think I love him unconditionally or am I just scared to move on without him?  Do these feelings ever go away?  I appreciate any advice you can give me. Thanks, Paula

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Gloria’s Thoughts:  Paula, YOU are more than enough!! Say this with me, and say it out loud – I am MORE than enough!! You are so strong, loving, capable, resourceful, dedicated, loyal, and I see the heart of a woman who values her family more than anything in the entire world. You are so beautiful! : )

And with all of the love in my heart, it is that value/perception of “family first” that is keeping you stuck in this feeling. It’s time to
redefine what putting your family first actually means and looks like in the reality of your life right now.

First, from what you have shared, your ex-husband is broken. His childhood sucked! That was not your fault, and it is not your
responsibility or purpose in life to fix that childhood. A happy and healthy relationship is never about fixing one another. Complimenting, supporting, encouraging – yes. Fixing – NO!

Second, what does unconditional love really mean? Unconditional love means that you love him with absolutely no expectation of
wanting anything in return – nothing. You let him go to fix what needs fixed within him. You let him love whomever he chooses. You let go of wishing he’d just come home again and fill his seat at the dinner table. You let go of all the fantasies of how much life would be better if only  . . .

Third, you love yourself and your children so unconditionally that you make no apologies to your children or the neighbors
for how your family looks, and the fact that Daddy doesn’t live here anymore. Your family doesn’t fit the ideal image you always had in your mind with Mom and Dad and kids all under one roof, but your family is still the safest, most wonderful, loving place on earth for you and your children to be. You did this. You created this. And you can and will continue to create a life and family that loves one another, respects one another, and enables every member to live a healthy, happy, and purposeful life. This IS putting your family first.

One more time – I, Paula, am MORE than enough to live in truth.

With Love, G

My youngest daughter, Gloria Jean, has a friend, Sydney. Sydney just made a big move to live with her father in Pennsylvania, but was back here visiting her Mom for a little while. Gloria Jean was ecstatic to see her, and for about 2 days they were inseperable. The first night, Gloria Jean spent the night over at her friend’s; the next was our turn. Yeah!

As the girls walked in for our night, I was working on and looking at my computer, but I said, “Hey, Beautiful! How are you?”

Both girls stopped, looked at each other, and then said in harmony, “Which one?”

In those two simple words, their self-esteem and love for themselves and for each other shone through!!

• First, they acknowledged that it could have been either one – they saw each other as beautiful!
• Second, they could have thought, “Oh, she isn’t talking to me . . . ” – instead, they saw themselves as individuals as beautiful!
• Third, there was no hint of jealousy as both were just fine asking if it was one or the other.

If I said, “Hello, Beautiful!” to you – would you turn around to see who I was talking to? If so, doesn’t it feel good to think for just a second that it could be? What would it take for you to see yourself as beautiful inside and out?

Glad you were here, Beautiful!

G